- Heather Kinsey
The Four Pillars of The Crone Life: Crones Love Themselves First
What does self-love look like in The Crone Life? I say that it looks a lot like getting back to basics and asking yourself questions you might not know the answers to, even if you think you do. I think we get used to others and society telling us who we are. So used to it, in fact, that we don’t stop and actually listen to the answers we have for ourselves if we’d only stop long enough and ask.
In the spiritual community, we talk about listening to our intuition or that “still, soft voice” inside of ourselves, but what does that really mean? And how can we be sure that it’s us talking and someone or something else?
Those are important questions, and I want to walk you through a quick and easy way of answering them. Taking stock of what we say about ourselves and also what others say about us, can give us a starting point of who we are in this moment. Not in the past, and not in the future, but in the moment where we stand, which is, of course, the most important moment of all.
Okay, so, answer the following questions, and I’ll be right back.
One word I use to describe my best self is ______________________. (If you’re having trouble coming up with an answer, what is the one way people consistently underestimate you? If they aren’t giving you credit for something you know you deserve, that might be your answer.)
Other people consistently say I’m _________________ . (This is a positive thing. We don’t accept haters here.)
When I’m upset, I respond by ______________________ . (shutting down; arguing; being logical) Then, I ___________________, and it makes me feel better. (clean a closet; go for a run; talk to my friend)
We’re going to take your word from above for yourself (#1) and what others say (#2) and join them together for a more complete picture of you. So, if you say a word for your best self is integrity, and others consistently tell you how kind you are, then you’re a kind person with integrity.
A more complete picture of me is that I’m______________________.
Using our words or ideas from #3, fill in the next statement.
I show myself love and care by ___________________ without shame.
Ah, the old rub of those words “without shame,” amiright? But we need to really think about how we see and talk to ourselves, and part of that is coming to terms with the shame we all carry around with ourselves. It’s okay to feel it; it’s not okay to live in it. You are precious, and deserve all good things. If you need permission to know, feel, and live in that, I’m giving it to you right now.
With that in mind, please answer the next question. Take all the time you need, and really lean into it. Answer freely and openly, and move into other questions you might have about how you think, move, and experience life.
Based on how you show yourself love and care, how do you know you’re loving yourself? What one thing can you do for yourself that no one else can?
Next week, we’re going to talk about how we stand in our own power, and how we can use this information about ourselves to do it.